The Long Lost Blog: Bill the Surgeon

EXPLANATION: I discovered a blog post I never posted from about 2 yrs ago! I borrowed Mikey's awesome USB stick. So this is what happens when you lend me stuff.

Novelty pens annoy me. You know the ones shaped like a cucumber or Mickey Mouse or one that has a maze where you have to get a tiny ball through . Actually the last one's pretty fun, but generally, all novelty pens should be burned.

But I've discovered that the same principle does not apply to novelty USB sticks. Mikey lent me his SEVOrane surgeon USB so I could watch 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' (which has way too many nude scenes btw...though I really don't know whether they were supposed to appeal to guys or girls...no really. I'm disturbed.)

And I've also discovered that exam prep really is not that fun (although this particular journey of discovery has been ongoing since year 6).

Also also discovered that novelty surgeon USB sticks are a pretty fun way to procrastinate (it's still like a 2 on a fun scale, but compared to exam prep which is not even on the scale, it wins.)
So I've created a short story about Bill the Surgeon. Wow. I named an inanimate object.

It's called

SURGEONS MAY EARN LOTS OF MONEY AND WEAR COOL LOOKING GREEN CLOTHES, BUT THEYARE JUST LIKE NORMAL, LESS FORTUNATE, BUT NEVERTHELESS NORMAL PEOPLE.

THEY TYPE.

THEY WRITE UNNECESSARY SHOPPING LISTS.

THEY CHECK THEMSELVES OUT IN REFLECTIVE SURFACES.

THEY LISTEN TO BEYONCE.

THEY GET ELECTROCUTED WHEN PULLING OUT PLUGS WITH WET HANDS.

The end.

TOP 5 MOMENTS IN PERTH

If I attempt a recap, it would never come up to the standards of Sime, especially since I wasn't there half the time. So instead I'm going to do a countdown.


TOP 5 MOMENTS IN PERTH

5. BRINGING AYC TO KINGS PARK
Hilarity: 5
Absurdity: 4
Niceonezity 5

This day would have scored higher if it wasn't so DAM COLD.
Still, a day that ends with 90s karoke in AJTan's car is fine by me!

4. CAN READ MY, CAN READ MY POKER FACE
Hilarity: 7
Absurdity: 6
Niceonezity: 7

Nate was the instigator of this one. I think he was just itching to play something other than 'mmmchchmmmchtookatookatookatookadonkadonka' (or as Song thinks -tonkatonka. Oh, er, um, NO. WRONG.) So anyway, I was going REALLY WELL. With Sime as my inner voice, he really put off my opponents

NESS

(shows Sime a 2 and 6)

SIME

WOW NESS. JUST WOW. YOU'RE GOING TO WIN IT! ALL IN! ALL IN!!!!!

NESS

Er, really? Do you think that's a good ide...

SIME

NESS. I'M TELLING YOU. JUST WOW. YOU COULD BEAT ANYONE WITH THOSE CARDS.

Ness wins that round.

Next round...

NESS

(shows Sime double ace)

SIME

WOW NESS. JUST WOW. YOU'RE GOING TO WIN IT! ALL IN! ALL IN!!!!!

NESS
Er, really? Do you think that's a good ide...

SIME

NESS. I'M TELLING YOU. JUST WOW. YOU COULD BEAT ANYONE WITH THOSE CARDS.

You see. We bluffed TOGETHER. And as soon as he left to "spy" on Nathan, my days were over. I lost so badly I still cry at night.
That night also bore one the greatest lines of camp:

NATE

I use 'dangerously straight' shampoo

TIM

Shampoo can't make you straight Nathan.

3. WET PANTS DAY

Hilarity: 6
Absurdity: 2
Niceonezity: 8

Wet pants day - where everyone listened to KFang and got their pants wet. KFang's advice consisted of 'CATAMARAN + WATER = NO SWIMMERS NECESSARY'

And since I am a non-boater, or non-water person in general, I listened to KFang...and got my pants wet.

Being with the dream team (Song and KC) was also hilarious because it took us the 16th turn to realise we didn't actually have to let the sail SWING to the other side of the boat when we turn, but if we hold it, near-death experiences were avoided. We also christened our boat 'THE HOTTIE'. No reason really. But it does add 2 absurdity points to the day. Score.
Half the aloe vera green goo was used that day too. Score!

2. WHAT NOT TO WEAR BY TRINNY AND SUSSANAH EMP AND KFANG
Hilarity: 8
Absurdity: 10
Niceonezity: 9

Friday night was SO RANDOM. KFang said one little comment (which I now can't remember, something about my burnt forehead) which started a whole 4 hour discussion on how to compliment the opposite sex and WHAT NOT TO WEAR. Take note ladies, and especially gentlemen, here is an abridged version of that list (remember, this is according to the opp. sex, so really, now we know the guys know nothing about fashion):

GUYS SHOULD BURN THE FOLLOWING:
- V-neck T-shirts (with chest hair)
- white socks with black shoes and pants (COUGH COUGH)
- boardies as everyday wear
- short sleeved business shirts
- rude cartoon/writing shirts
- their lifetime supply of hairgel

GIRLS SHOULD FOLD UP NICELY AT THE BACK OF THEIR CLOSET THE FOLLOWING:
- flared jeans
- overalls
- skanky anything
- really bright colours
- glittery things except on Max (phew, close one)
- platform wedges
- knee high boots, esp. slouchy types
- dresses that don't skim waist (the pregnant ones, even though they're REALLY comfortable)

AND THE FOLLOWING GOES FOR EVERYONE:
- crocs
- g-strings
- too much makeup

1. I'LD RATHER BE WHITE FACE THAN DOUBLE RED FACE
Hilarity: 7
Absurdity: 6
Niceonezity: 10

On Saturday, we went to a beach (no I can't remember the name of it, this is what happens when I have no responsiblities) and it was PURE BLISS. I overloaded on sunscreen because that is what Ruldoph the red nosed reindeer would do, and sat in the shade of a tree lording over the burning pieces of human meat on the sand.
Water was GREAT.
Fish and chips + icypole was GREAT.
Pride & prejudice audio book was GREAT.
Sticking sticks in between my delicate toes was NOT.

All in all, a very blessed holiday. Perth water should still drown in itself though.

P.S. Photo uploading is not going well. Expect them on Facebook in the next 20 years. Thanks.

2009: The Year of the New Shoe

The other day I realised I've accumulated quite a number of new shoes over the past two months. Some are from Singapore and Malaysia and some are from my favourite shoe shop - Tony Bianco. Shoes from there are just incredibly comfortable, which is always my first priority.

The purple ones in the middle I couldn't actually try on beforehand. Never again. THEY HURT SO MUCH. Whoever made those shoes HATE FEET and want to see them die (quote Monica).

YET I LOVE THEM ALL. Is it possible to marry inanimate objects?

This is how you do it.

Kev shows us the perks of arriving before everyone else does. Vonnie gives her thumb of approval. Queensland Government would obviously never hire either of them to be a driving examiner.

I've decided to become more diligent in my blooging (blooging? sorry, I mean blogging). The year has gone by super fast and it's pretty much a blur of stressfunstressfunstressfun...AND I CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING. Oh yeah, I remember something!...oh wait, it's gone.

Yeah, still not there.

This is like trying to remember my prayer point on Monday. I should really write these things down.

Anyway, what was I writing down? Oh yeah, becoming more diligent in blogging. Yes, this is so I actually have a record of me doing interesting things and not just sitting in a chair all year which is seriously what I'm thinking I've done all year. I may have got up to go to uni once or twice. I'm really not sure. Which is why I should blog. Which segways into my rhetorical question of the day: What do you think of my new ugly blog template.
I was looking at templates, the world exploded and I ended up with this on my screen.

Anyway, Sunday School Sunday is tomorrow (or should I say today?) so I should sleep.
Oh, FUNNY STORY. Frank and I were putting up the sign and Nathan was there to hand us letters. The following conversation ensued:

NATHAN

Why are there two Sundays?

NESS

Don't answer him Frank. Let's see how long it takes him to get it.

NATHAN

No really guys, why are there two Sundays?

FRANK

Think about it...

NATHAN

Thinks.

No really guys, why are there two Sundays?

NESS

Okay, tomorrow is celebrating Sunday School right?

NATHAN

Yeah. But really, why are there two Sundays?

NESS

And tomorrow's what day?

NATHAN

Sunday...Sunday School...two Sundays...OHHHHH.

Walks off.

FRANK

That was funny.

It's over.

So my week of holidays is done already. It was shorter than Wrinkle's tail. Boo.
Oh well, it was fun while it lasted, went to Melbourne for a few days. I've shopped and drunk enough tea and hot chocolate to last a lifetime.

Mum and I were not so secretly afraid of catching swine flu. When a guy sat behind us on the tram and started coughing (and not just a dry cough, it was full of phlegm and other mucus-y sounds), Mum held her scarf up to her nose while I tried to hold my breath for 40 minutes. But in the end victory was ours! We didn't get sick and can now gleefully roll around in our purchases.

But during the fun of holidays, Mum felt the need of reminding me what a grumpy bum I was during exam time. And I don't blame her. I am a grumpy bum. Like, I am the grumpiest bumiest grumpy bum there is.

I don't go out. I sit in my chair staring at the computer screen for 6 hours straight until I have to pee. I'm angry and sulky and stressed. Basically for 2 weeks, I hate life.

Some people just do not get stressed like this. They can breeze through exam time. Maybe because they actually study during semester *shifty eyes*. So for those who just don't get how severe my grumpy buminess can get, here are some visual aids:

(I'm in blue. Since I'm an arteest and attend to the details, I've drawn myself with unkempt hair and wearing the smelly pajamas I wore for a week straight.)

Don't hate me cuz I'm multitalented

So Frank recently blogged about how to draw a photo of Viv.
The end product was this -

I knew the inner artist inside me could do a waaaay better job than the above. Pfft...I could do it blindfolded using my foot.

I also used Viv as an example -

what you need:

paper

pencil

no rubber needed because I'm that good

1. trace the outline. (i cheated by using a coaster because everyone knows a person's face is a perfect circle)

2. colour the hair completely black.

3. don't worry about highlights. highlights are for amatuers and all experts know hair doesn't reflect light.

4. eyes are the easiest. just draw two black dots and you're done.

5. draw the outline of teeth because everyone loves teeth. the more the better I say.

6. for an abstract, modern feel to the drawing, shade wherever you feel like.

7. don't fix up anything. mistakes make thee arteest.

Me: hey everyone do you know who this is? *shows viv's picture*

Everyone: yes.

Day in a life of a Med Student Episode 1

6:45am
w;lkjd,mdioc…

6:46am
Okay, was not obviously awake enough one minute ago. Hmm, now picking out what to wear. Well, it has to go with my dirty old sneakers as I have a cadaver lab today…so…jeans and a T-shirt it is. How original.

7:00am
Yeah it took me 14 minutes to dress myself, wad up. Now making my lunch as I make my breakfast as I look at my timetable while I watch Sunrise. Toast with vegemite for breakfast…and bread with vegemite for lunch! Yay, who says variety is the spice of life? Monotony all the way baby.

7:40am
Lecture notes? Check. Keys? Check. Water bottle? Check. ID and access key, purse, memory stick, sunglasses, Blistex, notebook, lab coat, pens? Check. Bag big enough to fit Mount Everest? Check.

7:45am
Walking in hot sun. Waiting at traffic lights for 5 million light years. Walking again in hot sun. Seeing med students from everywhere going to GH1. Yes we’re overtaking Southport.

8:00am
Ahh, finally in air-conditioned lecture room. Mmm…

8:05am
Freezing my ass off.

9:30am
Scary how little anatomy I’ve retained from year one.

11:00am
FINALLY. I’M STARVING.

11:30am
Outside anatomy lab. Griffith is very proud of its lab because most uni labs are in a basement somewhere smelling of feet. Griffith’s is on the 6th floor and people have sworn they’ve seen whales swimming in the distant ocean.

11:35am
Get my first look and touch of a cadaver. Some people have a problem with faces, some have a problem with toes. To be honest, I was fine with it all (except the eyelashes, they were a bit creepy). Got to feel a heart in my hand and see everything that I’ve only ever seen in a textbook. Less colour I suppose, but definitely more real. Obviously.

12:55pm
Washing my hands with hot water. Seemed to have dried up my hands to resemble two mutant pieces of chalk.

1:00pm
In PBL room for first case study. I sneeze and people look very shocked for some reason.

1:05pm
Yes! I’m not on food duty until next month (every PBL, someone brings some snacks to whittle away the long hours). I’m pretty sure people will not be impressed with my vegemite sandwich fingers.

4:00pm
In the Learning Centre typing up my PBL LIs (Learning Issues). A very tedious part of the Med course.

4:10pm
Whyyyyy…I seemed to have picked a computer where its H key doesn’t work. Something very frustrating when my topic is “DIARRHOEA”.

5:30pm
Sent my LIs with the title “Diarroea, Colera and Fluid Omeostasis”.
My group probably now thinks I have a phobia of H’s.

6:00pm
Back at home, washed the dishes I ignored last night and this morning. Washed some rice and put it in the rice cooker.

6:15pm
Moped around for a bit over Federer’s loss (I’m still in a depressed state).

7:00pm
Eating in front of the TV.

7:30pm
Studying in front of the TV.

10:30pm
Watching TV in front of the TV.

11:30pm
Felt guilty and now studying at my study desk.

12:30am
Thud. That’s me conking out. Night y’all.