The Long Lost Blog: Bill the Surgeon

EXPLANATION: I discovered a blog post I never posted from about 2 yrs ago! I borrowed Mikey's awesome USB stick. So this is what happens when you lend me stuff.

Novelty pens annoy me. You know the ones shaped like a cucumber or Mickey Mouse or one that has a maze where you have to get a tiny ball through . Actually the last one's pretty fun, but generally, all novelty pens should be burned.

But I've discovered that the same principle does not apply to novelty USB sticks. Mikey lent me his SEVOrane surgeon USB so I could watch 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' (which has way too many nude scenes btw...though I really don't know whether they were supposed to appeal to guys or girls...no really. I'm disturbed.)

And I've also discovered that exam prep really is not that fun (although this particular journey of discovery has been ongoing since year 6).

Also also discovered that novelty surgeon USB sticks are a pretty fun way to procrastinate (it's still like a 2 on a fun scale, but compared to exam prep which is not even on the scale, it wins.)
So I've created a short story about Bill the Surgeon. Wow. I named an inanimate object.

It's called

SURGEONS MAY EARN LOTS OF MONEY AND WEAR COOL LOOKING GREEN CLOTHES, BUT THEYARE JUST LIKE NORMAL, LESS FORTUNATE, BUT NEVERTHELESS NORMAL PEOPLE.

THEY TYPE.

THEY WRITE UNNECESSARY SHOPPING LISTS.

THEY CHECK THEMSELVES OUT IN REFLECTIVE SURFACES.

THEY LISTEN TO BEYONCE.

THEY GET ELECTROCUTED WHEN PULLING OUT PLUGS WITH WET HANDS.

The end.

TOP 5 MOMENTS IN PERTH

If I attempt a recap, it would never come up to the standards of Sime, especially since I wasn't there half the time. So instead I'm going to do a countdown.


TOP 5 MOMENTS IN PERTH

5. BRINGING AYC TO KINGS PARK
Hilarity: 5
Absurdity: 4
Niceonezity 5

This day would have scored higher if it wasn't so DAM COLD.
Still, a day that ends with 90s karoke in AJTan's car is fine by me!

4. CAN READ MY, CAN READ MY POKER FACE
Hilarity: 7
Absurdity: 6
Niceonezity: 7

Nate was the instigator of this one. I think he was just itching to play something other than 'mmmchchmmmchtookatookatookatookadonkadonka' (or as Song thinks -tonkatonka. Oh, er, um, NO. WRONG.) So anyway, I was going REALLY WELL. With Sime as my inner voice, he really put off my opponents

NESS

(shows Sime a 2 and 6)

SIME

WOW NESS. JUST WOW. YOU'RE GOING TO WIN IT! ALL IN! ALL IN!!!!!

NESS

Er, really? Do you think that's a good ide...

SIME

NESS. I'M TELLING YOU. JUST WOW. YOU COULD BEAT ANYONE WITH THOSE CARDS.

Ness wins that round.

Next round...

NESS

(shows Sime double ace)

SIME

WOW NESS. JUST WOW. YOU'RE GOING TO WIN IT! ALL IN! ALL IN!!!!!

NESS
Er, really? Do you think that's a good ide...

SIME

NESS. I'M TELLING YOU. JUST WOW. YOU COULD BEAT ANYONE WITH THOSE CARDS.

You see. We bluffed TOGETHER. And as soon as he left to "spy" on Nathan, my days were over. I lost so badly I still cry at night.
That night also bore one the greatest lines of camp:

NATE

I use 'dangerously straight' shampoo

TIM

Shampoo can't make you straight Nathan.

3. WET PANTS DAY

Hilarity: 6
Absurdity: 2
Niceonezity: 8

Wet pants day - where everyone listened to KFang and got their pants wet. KFang's advice consisted of 'CATAMARAN + WATER = NO SWIMMERS NECESSARY'

And since I am a non-boater, or non-water person in general, I listened to KFang...and got my pants wet.

Being with the dream team (Song and KC) was also hilarious because it took us the 16th turn to realise we didn't actually have to let the sail SWING to the other side of the boat when we turn, but if we hold it, near-death experiences were avoided. We also christened our boat 'THE HOTTIE'. No reason really. But it does add 2 absurdity points to the day. Score.
Half the aloe vera green goo was used that day too. Score!

2. WHAT NOT TO WEAR BY TRINNY AND SUSSANAH EMP AND KFANG
Hilarity: 8
Absurdity: 10
Niceonezity: 9

Friday night was SO RANDOM. KFang said one little comment (which I now can't remember, something about my burnt forehead) which started a whole 4 hour discussion on how to compliment the opposite sex and WHAT NOT TO WEAR. Take note ladies, and especially gentlemen, here is an abridged version of that list (remember, this is according to the opp. sex, so really, now we know the guys know nothing about fashion):

GUYS SHOULD BURN THE FOLLOWING:
- V-neck T-shirts (with chest hair)
- white socks with black shoes and pants (COUGH COUGH)
- boardies as everyday wear
- short sleeved business shirts
- rude cartoon/writing shirts
- their lifetime supply of hairgel

GIRLS SHOULD FOLD UP NICELY AT THE BACK OF THEIR CLOSET THE FOLLOWING:
- flared jeans
- overalls
- skanky anything
- really bright colours
- glittery things except on Max (phew, close one)
- platform wedges
- knee high boots, esp. slouchy types
- dresses that don't skim waist (the pregnant ones, even though they're REALLY comfortable)

AND THE FOLLOWING GOES FOR EVERYONE:
- crocs
- g-strings
- too much makeup

1. I'LD RATHER BE WHITE FACE THAN DOUBLE RED FACE
Hilarity: 7
Absurdity: 6
Niceonezity: 10

On Saturday, we went to a beach (no I can't remember the name of it, this is what happens when I have no responsiblities) and it was PURE BLISS. I overloaded on sunscreen because that is what Ruldoph the red nosed reindeer would do, and sat in the shade of a tree lording over the burning pieces of human meat on the sand.
Water was GREAT.
Fish and chips + icypole was GREAT.
Pride & prejudice audio book was GREAT.
Sticking sticks in between my delicate toes was NOT.

All in all, a very blessed holiday. Perth water should still drown in itself though.

P.S. Photo uploading is not going well. Expect them on Facebook in the next 20 years. Thanks.

2009: The Year of the New Shoe

The other day I realised I've accumulated quite a number of new shoes over the past two months. Some are from Singapore and Malaysia and some are from my favourite shoe shop - Tony Bianco. Shoes from there are just incredibly comfortable, which is always my first priority.

The purple ones in the middle I couldn't actually try on beforehand. Never again. THEY HURT SO MUCH. Whoever made those shoes HATE FEET and want to see them die (quote Monica).

YET I LOVE THEM ALL. Is it possible to marry inanimate objects?

This is how you do it.

Kev shows us the perks of arriving before everyone else does. Vonnie gives her thumb of approval. Queensland Government would obviously never hire either of them to be a driving examiner.

I've decided to become more diligent in my blooging (blooging? sorry, I mean blogging). The year has gone by super fast and it's pretty much a blur of stressfunstressfunstressfun...AND I CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING. Oh yeah, I remember something!...oh wait, it's gone.

Yeah, still not there.

This is like trying to remember my prayer point on Monday. I should really write these things down.

Anyway, what was I writing down? Oh yeah, becoming more diligent in blogging. Yes, this is so I actually have a record of me doing interesting things and not just sitting in a chair all year which is seriously what I'm thinking I've done all year. I may have got up to go to uni once or twice. I'm really not sure. Which is why I should blog. Which segways into my rhetorical question of the day: What do you think of my new ugly blog template.
I was looking at templates, the world exploded and I ended up with this on my screen.

Anyway, Sunday School Sunday is tomorrow (or should I say today?) so I should sleep.
Oh, FUNNY STORY. Frank and I were putting up the sign and Nathan was there to hand us letters. The following conversation ensued:

NATHAN

Why are there two Sundays?

NESS

Don't answer him Frank. Let's see how long it takes him to get it.

NATHAN

No really guys, why are there two Sundays?

FRANK

Think about it...

NATHAN

Thinks.

No really guys, why are there two Sundays?

NESS

Okay, tomorrow is celebrating Sunday School right?

NATHAN

Yeah. But really, why are there two Sundays?

NESS

And tomorrow's what day?

NATHAN

Sunday...Sunday School...two Sundays...OHHHHH.

Walks off.

FRANK

That was funny.

It's over.

So my week of holidays is done already. It was shorter than Wrinkle's tail. Boo.
Oh well, it was fun while it lasted, went to Melbourne for a few days. I've shopped and drunk enough tea and hot chocolate to last a lifetime.

Mum and I were not so secretly afraid of catching swine flu. When a guy sat behind us on the tram and started coughing (and not just a dry cough, it was full of phlegm and other mucus-y sounds), Mum held her scarf up to her nose while I tried to hold my breath for 40 minutes. But in the end victory was ours! We didn't get sick and can now gleefully roll around in our purchases.

But during the fun of holidays, Mum felt the need of reminding me what a grumpy bum I was during exam time. And I don't blame her. I am a grumpy bum. Like, I am the grumpiest bumiest grumpy bum there is.

I don't go out. I sit in my chair staring at the computer screen for 6 hours straight until I have to pee. I'm angry and sulky and stressed. Basically for 2 weeks, I hate life.

Some people just do not get stressed like this. They can breeze through exam time. Maybe because they actually study during semester *shifty eyes*. So for those who just don't get how severe my grumpy buminess can get, here are some visual aids:

(I'm in blue. Since I'm an arteest and attend to the details, I've drawn myself with unkempt hair and wearing the smelly pajamas I wore for a week straight.)

Don't hate me cuz I'm multitalented

So Frank recently blogged about how to draw a photo of Viv.
The end product was this -

I knew the inner artist inside me could do a waaaay better job than the above. Pfft...I could do it blindfolded using my foot.

I also used Viv as an example -

what you need:

paper

pencil

no rubber needed because I'm that good

1. trace the outline. (i cheated by using a coaster because everyone knows a person's face is a perfect circle)

2. colour the hair completely black.

3. don't worry about highlights. highlights are for amatuers and all experts know hair doesn't reflect light.

4. eyes are the easiest. just draw two black dots and you're done.

5. draw the outline of teeth because everyone loves teeth. the more the better I say.

6. for an abstract, modern feel to the drawing, shade wherever you feel like.

7. don't fix up anything. mistakes make thee arteest.

Me: hey everyone do you know who this is? *shows viv's picture*

Everyone: yes.

Day in a life of a Med Student Episode 1

6:45am
w;lkjd,mdioc…

6:46am
Okay, was not obviously awake enough one minute ago. Hmm, now picking out what to wear. Well, it has to go with my dirty old sneakers as I have a cadaver lab today…so…jeans and a T-shirt it is. How original.

7:00am
Yeah it took me 14 minutes to dress myself, wad up. Now making my lunch as I make my breakfast as I look at my timetable while I watch Sunrise. Toast with vegemite for breakfast…and bread with vegemite for lunch! Yay, who says variety is the spice of life? Monotony all the way baby.

7:40am
Lecture notes? Check. Keys? Check. Water bottle? Check. ID and access key, purse, memory stick, sunglasses, Blistex, notebook, lab coat, pens? Check. Bag big enough to fit Mount Everest? Check.

7:45am
Walking in hot sun. Waiting at traffic lights for 5 million light years. Walking again in hot sun. Seeing med students from everywhere going to GH1. Yes we’re overtaking Southport.

8:00am
Ahh, finally in air-conditioned lecture room. Mmm…

8:05am
Freezing my ass off.

9:30am
Scary how little anatomy I’ve retained from year one.

11:00am
FINALLY. I’M STARVING.

11:30am
Outside anatomy lab. Griffith is very proud of its lab because most uni labs are in a basement somewhere smelling of feet. Griffith’s is on the 6th floor and people have sworn they’ve seen whales swimming in the distant ocean.

11:35am
Get my first look and touch of a cadaver. Some people have a problem with faces, some have a problem with toes. To be honest, I was fine with it all (except the eyelashes, they were a bit creepy). Got to feel a heart in my hand and see everything that I’ve only ever seen in a textbook. Less colour I suppose, but definitely more real. Obviously.

12:55pm
Washing my hands with hot water. Seemed to have dried up my hands to resemble two mutant pieces of chalk.

1:00pm
In PBL room for first case study. I sneeze and people look very shocked for some reason.

1:05pm
Yes! I’m not on food duty until next month (every PBL, someone brings some snacks to whittle away the long hours). I’m pretty sure people will not be impressed with my vegemite sandwich fingers.

4:00pm
In the Learning Centre typing up my PBL LIs (Learning Issues). A very tedious part of the Med course.

4:10pm
Whyyyyy…I seemed to have picked a computer where its H key doesn’t work. Something very frustrating when my topic is “DIARRHOEA”.

5:30pm
Sent my LIs with the title “Diarroea, Colera and Fluid Omeostasis”.
My group probably now thinks I have a phobia of H’s.

6:00pm
Back at home, washed the dishes I ignored last night and this morning. Washed some rice and put it in the rice cooker.

6:15pm
Moped around for a bit over Federer’s loss (I’m still in a depressed state).

7:00pm
Eating in front of the TV.

7:30pm
Studying in front of the TV.

10:30pm
Watching TV in front of the TV.

11:30pm
Felt guilty and now studying at my study desk.

12:30am
Thud. That’s me conking out. Night y’all.

New Home Sweet New Home

Yay, back to blogging! Thought I should update on how my first few days in my new home went.

For those who don’t know, I’ve moved down to the Gold Coast to do a Med degree. I’m living by myself in a nice apartment that Mum was so nice to buy for me.

One thing that Mum said to me before I left was “you’re going to make a few mistakes along the way, but that’s okay”.
Er, correct.

A mistake I made was not bringing floor cleaner so I improvised and used washing detergent instead.

Oh yeahhh…squeaky clean floors that smell like lemon.

I’ve forgotten other things like a desk lamp, drawer lining paper, bin and one thing I never gave a second thought to…a comb.


V for Victory! Victory at building things!

This was the day before when Frank and Mikey came to help set up my room. I was glad I had them, especially when the instructions looked like this –

This blob goes into this blob…

It’s been quite lonely these past few days. I’ve kept the TV on just for some noise. I also have no net yet but I’ve been watching my new NCIS dvd and awesome tennis games like FEDERER VS. RODDICK. Great stuff.

One thing I’ve learnt is that keeping one human alive is EXPENSIVE. I’ve never been a huge consumer but BOY do I eat and use a lot of stuff.

These 5 measly bags of stuff cost more than $100.

But another thing I’ve learnt is there’s nothing more satisfying than sinking in a bed that’s in a home I’ve set up and cleaned all day by myself. Ahh, independence, nothing like it.

Jump! For my love…

Girl power jumping; (L-R) KC with nametag on face, Max, Viv, Frank, Cousin It.


So I’m back from my 11 day trip to Adelaide and Melbourne!! And for memories sake, I’ve decided to jot down parts of my holiday.

I think I wore myself out because now I’m sitting in my bedroom eyes half closed with a voice which is cross between an old man and a chainsaw. With phlegm. Mmm…

Anyway, here goes – but as I’ve said before, I’m the worst recapper ever. Look at Sime’s blog if you actually want a good one :)

Saturday 29 November

This is my depiction of the amount of stuff I use in 11 days which had to fit into a tiny carry-on suitcase. I never realised what a consumer I am…
But it was good practice for rationalising…for when I’m in a desert somewhere…and need…to…ration…

Anyway Tim’s dad came and picked up the Robertson crew. I had to wake up a 5. 5!!!!!

!!!!!!!!

When we got to the airport, Ems did a headcheck. 2 people missing. Kev and Sime. 1 minute to check in.
Not. Good.
But they turned up just in time. There’s fashionably late and then there’s Kev+Sime late :)

We finally got on Jetstar. Since I was sitting across from ATan, we talked about weights and protein shakes (jk)

Some good people (aka. Adelaide Colin) from Goodwood church came and picked us up in 2 gospel vans and drove us to Ade Traveller’s Inn. But not before Sime Sime thought we might get raped in an alleyway and gassed in the locked van (Fanny added on later that we may also get our arms eaten by a shark)

Hmm, all this emo talk - must be something in the Adelaide water.

We dumped our luggage in the hostel (hmm, we were very trusting, must be something in the Adelaide water) and then I had a sudden urge for bubble tea.

In Chinatown.

So I very slyly told Viv it was only 5 mins away (it ended up being more than 25 mins away).

But we all got our fix on beef noodle soup and pearl, which by the way WE CAN GET IN SUNNYBANK. Asian through and through.

Head check. ATan. Here. Let’s go.

The girls are grossed out by the hostel beds. I myself am very pleased with the room (it’s like a room made out of gold compared to YHA Gold Coast).

I go to Sime+Sime’s room to play cheat. It’s the worst. game. ever.
Note to self: do not play cheat with only 3 people.

Anyway, I better skip parts otherwise this recap will become the length of my packing list.

Some of us go to Rundermall…buy Havi’s…bla bla bla

Goodwood church then entrusts one of their cars with Kev from Sherwood (???) which KC, Kev Z and I naively hop into. We get lost. Play eye spy. Doesn’t last long. It’s either “something beginning with T” (tree) or “something beginning with C” (car).

Get to Goodwood. Witness last 2 mins of people mooing and squawking. Register. EMP nearly gets left behind. Some cool dude finally drives us home (anyone remember his name?) who was just being friendly :)

SLEEP.

Sunday 30 November

CHURCH.

Witness Pastor Lam and Aunty Jen sing in chinese. Classic.

Receive lunch. Which really, I should have treasured more for just being different from every other meal we received in the next 4 days.

Get to camp site and get ATTACKED BY FLIES AND DIE.
Witness Tom Tokura’s laugh for the first time. Haw haw haw

In same room as Fanny. Yay! And meet my future sis, Bec. Who my actual sis Bec has decided looks like a younger version of Jacey. SO TRUE.

Meet PATIENCE. Who is the best group ever. We somehow managed to sit at the smallest table in the dining hall even though we were 1 of the largest groups. And from then on our elbows knew each other at a more intimate level.
It was good having Bighead at the table so I could palm off my uneaten rice.
Same with ATan the eating machine. Everything left on the table ended up on his plate.
Which then ended up in his biceps.

Prayer meetings were interesting. EMP has only had one at youth, and we tend to pray silently. Chinese tend to pray out loud. I don’t think it means anything, but I just found that interesting.

Monday 1 December

Already tired. That pretty much sums up the rest of the trip. TIRED.

For morning PAW, got to test out my elite powerpoint skills. Up. Down. Up. Down. It’s tricky stuff.

The 2nd theme talk was interesting. Found the BGR talk much more in depth than what we’ve had before.
Max and I have to work on our gentle side if we’re ever to find our life partners haha…

Oh, side note. I am so not the female version of K Fang! He is the most random dude ever. He wrapped one of Rob’s hairs in cellophane and gave it to Ems as a “birthday present”. I would never do that *shifty eyes*

I also would never sleep like this *shifty eyes*

Tuesday 2 December

This day can be summed up in two words. AMAZIN GRACE.
While most groups took the time to take GOOD group photos, our group photos were pretty much us running to the next clue.

And no prize!! Participation and ‘having fun’ are for losers.
WE WANT OUR PRIZE GEORGE.

Wednesday 3 December

The whole camp takes a massive group photo. Not as good as the first one though where all the guys had to line up like they were on some weird asian Christian bachelor show.

And then I have to leave everyone! Boo…

I had fun at the airport with the Trinity guys where some ate camp food again, but the smart ones got HJs. Mmm…chicken which isn’t camp chicken…

Then I had 2 hours to wander around by myself because the flight gets delayed. Go figure.

ARRIVE IN MELBOURNE! Get swept away straight to a family dinner with my Aunty’s friends. Catch up with Bec. She was pretty tired having to deal with 3 Lees since Sunday. Yep, we’re all the same – drama queens.

Go to another friend’s house at 11:30 at night. By now I’m so tired I want to cry. (That’s my inner drama queen coming out)

Get excited by seeing all of Bec’s housemate’s NCIS DVDs. Woo hoo!

And the rest? Till next time! (Yeah, I think I’ve waffled on for long enough)

And to quote ATan holding his leg: “oww, my arm!” (???)

Back in the old days...

Yesterday I got dragged along to a family lunch with Mum and my Aunty's old friends + Uncle Benny. It's actually quite amazing because they all know each other from their MYF hey days back in Malaysia. And they met up 25 years later!



They talked about what other MYFers were doing now - some are still living in Malaysia in the same house, some have 10 gazillion kids and 20 gazillion grandkids, and some have died.



This got me thinking whether our MYF group would keep in touch and reunite in 20 odd years? I mean, we don't know what will happen in the next few years. Some will get new jobs in new cities. Some will start families and some may just move on. But one thing is for sure - all of us will soon be too old to be in MYF. Boooo...



What I'm most curious of is who out of MYF will still be at EMP church in 20 years?! Maybe all of us...but probably not. But with technology today (cough...facebook) it will much easier for us all to keep in touch down the track then what is now for our parents.



And because I love procrastinating, especially when it comes to packing, I made a picture of what we all may look like when we're wrinkly and stumpy.

Yes, I know. It's awesome.

And yes, that is Frank with a beard. With a name like that, I couldn't help myself :)

AYC! AYC! AYC!

Post-exam depression syndrome

So the two years are finally over.

Don't really know how to feel about it...I mean it's not like I've been stressed for 730 days (yes I needed a calculator for that) but right now I have that worried feeling in the pit of stomach. You know the feeling. The one that won't go away until exam marks are presented solidly on the computer screen.

When people ask how I went with exams, this is how it usually goes -

PERSON

So how did you go?

ME

I think I failed.

PERSON

(laughs).

ME

No really.

PERSON

(laughs). I'm sure you did fine. (walks away)

WHY DOES NO ONE BELIEVE ME?? I know I'm melodramatic 2/3 of the time but all I can do right now is pray to God that I did not fail. I don't have to sit supps. I don't miss out on my grad. And that I can move onto med next year.

I know people's advice is to not worry, you can't do anything about it and put your burdens (no matter how small they are) onto Jesus. I also know this is all true, but sometimes it's easier said than done!

But anyway just had to get that off my chest!

I know I'm going to have a smashing holidays. I've been seriously sleep deprived over the past month and it's seriously affected my fun level around people but it's getting better now.

I also have to lay off the tea for a few days :) It's been good too me during exam time but sometimes saying goodbye to a friend is the best thing you can do for them.

Or something like that.

Last weekend I also did a first aid course which wasn't too bad. The instructor was one of those ones who put more emphasis on 'FUN' than learning. Which is good for a course about common sense where it can get boring if not taught by the right person.

So really, it feels like my holidays have just begun. Lots to look forward to - catching up with friends, AYC, Bec's grad and hopefully mine :)

Sigh. I've seriously never been so worried about marks before! I'm usually pretty confident I do well, just not this particular exam...

And on that melodramatic note, I'm going off to watch the end of Survivor.
Have I mentioned I love Survivor?
Well I do.
I love it so much I want two shirts.
One that says "JEFF PROBST IS THE BESTEST HOBST"
And "OUTWIT, OUTLAST AND OUTPLAY THIS, REALITY SHOW HATERS".

Exam period summed up to a 'tea'

Should be back blogging in a week...

And that's why I do science Part II

Long time no blog, but I've finally found some time to put up some AWESOME photos from family camp. And by AWESOME I mean if this was the Land of Bad Photography.


But anyway, see if you can guess what I was trying to capture -


Nearly...

Almost...got...it...

SO MUCH CLOSE...

Woo hoo! I present the Glass Mountains...




DISCLAIMER: Ness does not take any responsibility for any crashes that may have occurred when a certain non-Asian had to stop his car in the middle of the road for Ness to be able to take this picture. Thank you Mr. Guai Lao.


And here are some other ones from a sight seeing stop on some mountain that I can't remember the name of. This is why I also don't do geography.


This looks so real. Maybe because it is...





My failed attempt at a CHU -


If you're wondering, I didn't actually get any pictures of the actual camp. But you know. I'll leave that up to the professionals.

And that's why I do science.

My photography skills were tested at Vonnie's 21st birthday on Sunday.

Let's see how I went shall we?

MISSION: Capture special hug moments between speech givers and Vonnie.

MISSION: Capture a moment which Vonnie can remember forever.

MISSION: Capture the happy faces that were celebrating Vonnie's day with her!

Well, at least Kent looks happy...

So guys, how did I go?!

A Typical Sunday School Lesson

Me: Good morning everyone! How was everyone's...Kevin, what's in your hand?

Kevin: Nothing.

Me: Kevin...

Kevin: A nintendo DS.

Me: Okay, well I don't want to see it again this...

Other kids: Cool! A DS! They're soooo much better than PS2. No they're not. Yes they are. No they're not. Yes they are. Etc.

Me: Pat your head! Rub your tummy! Do both at the same time! Put your finger to your lips! Don't move your lips!

Derek: I can still move my lips! Look! Mwa mwa mwa mwa...

Other kids: Me too! Mwa mwa mwa mwa...

Me: Okay everyone, that's enough. Let's mark the roll. Lucy?

Lucy: Here!

Me: Ricky?

Ricky: Here Miss Vanessa.

Me: Chloe?

Chloe: Here Nessy.

Me: Derek?

no answer.

Me: Derek? Derek, you're here!

Derek: I'm not Derek. I'm Scott!

Me: Okay, Scott?

Derek: I'm not here Vanesee! hehehe

several hours later...

Me: Okay today we're looking at Acts chapter 1 verse 1,

Mike: Yes, one verse!

Me: to 26.

Kids: awwww....

Me: Now who can tell me who this book was addressed to?

Derek: Brendan Nelson bashed Kevin Rudd yesterday.

Me: Yes, no, wait, Derek. We're not talking about Kevin Rudd...

Derek: We're talking about Brendan Nelson.

Chloe: Do you even know who Brendan Nelson is?

Derek: I know! And I know him betterer than you do!

Mike: Look! I'm jumping on the filing cabinet!

Me: Mike, get off the filing cabinet. Issac and Nathan, if you don't stop talking I'm going to have to separate you. Chloe and Derek. We are not talking about Brendan Nelson. Yes Jasmine?

Jasmine: Theophilus.

Me: What? Oh yeah. Right, the book was addressed to Theophilus, very good! Here's a chocolate.

Derek: Wait what? There's chocolate! You didn't tell me that! How do I get a chocolate?

Me: I'm only giving them to the people who behave or answer a question correctly. Yes Chloe?

Chloe: Paul was Saul.

Me: Uh, yes. That's correct.

silence.

Chloe: Do I get a chocolate?

several minutes later...

Me: ...and so the diciples were told to go to Judea, Samaria and where?

Kids: To the ends of the earth!

Me: Very good. Now we're going to play a game...

UTTER CHAOS FOR 10 MINUTES.

Me: If everyone isn't quiet, no one can play the game.

Mike: Yayyyy!!!!

Me: No, not yay Mike. It's a really fun game. (feels tug on end of jumper). Yes Ricky?

Ricky: Miss, I really need to go to the toilet. I've been trying to hold but I can't any longer...

Me: Yes go, no run. Nathan, what's wrong?

Other kids: Gah, he's always sulking. Stop sulking..

Me: Shhh. What's wrong?

Nathan: (angry lines coming off head). I CAN'T SEE THE BOARD!

Me: You don't have to see the board. We're playing a game now.

Nathan: (angry lines dissipating) Oh. Okay.

Several minutes later...

Me: Okay, let's have three prayer points for closing prayer. Yes Mei?

Mei: More rain!

Me: Okay that's good.

Misha: More water!

Ryan: The dams! The dams! THE DAMS! WE'RE GOING TO DIE WITHOUT THE DAMS!

Derek: Brendan Nelson. I think he's depressed.

Me: Okay, something not water related. And no Derek, nothing to do with Brendan Nelson.

Chloe: I want to pray for this boy at youth. You guys wouldn't know him because you don't go, but anyway, he's my friend. So yeah. I go to youth.

Me: Um, okay, maybe you can pray for him at home in your individual prayer, but something for now.

Mei: The pandas.

Me: Okay, I'll take that. Let's say endangered species. And one more...

Kevin: My Nintendo DS.

Me: Individual prayer Kevin, individual prayer. Derek, come back, sit back in your seat. It's not time to go...yes Jasmine?

Jasmine: That we have the strength to tell our friends about Jesus.

Me: What? Oh yeah, that's a great prayer point Jasmine. Okay, who's going to do closing prayer. No Mei, we're let someone else do it. No Derek, last time you prayed in double dutch. Okay, Issac you can do it. Everyone, bow your heads, close your eyes and put your hands together. Kevin, put your hands together, not around your DS. Okay, you can start now Issac.

Issac: Dear Heavenly Father Oh Lord Jesus Man, thank you for water, but please give us more. And let the small populating animal species not die so we have more food to eat. And the thing that Jasmine said. In Jesus' Almighty Holy Moly name, Amen.

Kids: Amen.


And Amen to that! I thank the Lord for the opportunity to teach all these wonderful kids about God...and for giving me such amusing lessons every Sunday!

Peace out.

What is Wrong with this Picture?

Let me give you a clue.

Go Griffith.

And to quote Usher: YEAH YEAH YEAH!

I'm on holidays! YEA-YAH! O-KAAAY!

So where have I been? Well obviously not on my blog. But I plan to reminisce on the past two months over a few blogs, because really, it is worth reminiscing! I spent exam period drawing angry faces on my calendar, one week memorising every dance move in the fundraising concert, three weeks fending for myself and the furry lump when Mother was away, negative one week not being at camp :( , two weeks in a hellhole and every Sunday telling Mike to get off the filing cabinet.

But for now, here is a short story that Max and I made up one Saturday for stress relief on Timmey's laptop...WITH A BUILT IN WEB CAM!

And if you're wondering, no, it doesn't even make sense to me.

Girl Power's Adventure to the Sea

Once upon a time there were four girls. But Vivian was getting her hair done by Nathaniel...

So once upon a time there were three girls, who went on a trip to the sea.

They decided to scuba dive into the sea and they found treasure.
Christmas treasure.
Christmas CHRISTIAN treasure!

Once they found it they were really excited...but then Mikey's pirate ship came across their boat and killed them!

The End

Updating in 3 days...

If I had achondroplasia, I would be this guy:

The To-Do List

LAMENT! I wish I had more time to update, but with so many things to do and so little time...sadly no.

Much studying to do as well, which means much sitting around staring at the wall.

But I found this hilarious clip on YouTube done by a very funny duo-Barats and Bereta. Their clip Mother's Day is still one of the most watched videos, except for that crazy-dancing-orange-Crush-T-shirtwearing dude who's got like A BILLION views.

Anyway, to emulate Frank, here's the To-Do List.

Description:

GOOD GOLLY there's a lot to accomplish today!

The actor in this one is Lee Barats, Luke's little brother. And yes, his face is stuck like that.*
As with all of our videos, parents may want to use discretion.
Music: "The Birds and the Bees" by Patrick & Eugene

*No, his face is not really stuck like that.

I won't stain it.

That's a quote from my sister who immediately went out to Macca's and stained it. It being a white t-shirt. The stain being coffee.

DON'T YOU KNOW THE RULE?

Wearing white shirts is like a magnet towards black and brown liquids!

It's like bees and pollen.

It's like dogs and raw meat.

It's like Bui and a microphone.

But anyway, here's a late update on the Easter Monday trip to Burleigh Heads. In a montage! Woooooh!

KENT: Okay guys. Here's the plan. The order is me, Jack Jack Jacky (The one Jacky, not three), KC, Vonnie, Chris and lastly PCDawg + Girlpower. Everyone goes at exactly 0900 hours. Protect each other. Kill the enemy. No one is left behind. Once we get onto the highway, make a bird formation. A BIRD FORMATION.

SONG: Chill brotha.

KENT: I WILL NOT CHILL. Instead I will twiddle my thumbs to heighten my excitement for today.

BUI: Heyyyyyyy. That's my thang.

VONNIE: GUYS! GUYS! LOOK! I HAVE A PIMPLE ON MY HEAD! WANNA SEE IT SANDIE?

SANDIE: Ew. No. I'ld rather give the camera a death stare. I think it wants to kill me.

EMS: Has everyone put on sunscreen? Is the food packed? Can everyone fit in the cars? Remember bible study everyone! Sigh. Why can't there be more Emilys in the world?

CHRIS: Where am I? Who am I? I'm confused.

EVERYONE: Girrrrrrl power!

MAX: Sam! I'm not ready! You have to say 1 2 3 before you take the photo. ALWAYS SAY 1 2 3. Say it Sam. SAY IT.

MAX: (Into walkie talkie) Okay, here's a game everyone can play over.

OTHER CARS: Silence.

MAX: I spy with my little eye, something beginning with M over.

OTHER CARS: Silence.

MAX: I repeat. I spy with my little eye, something beginning with M over.

OTHER CARS: Silence.

MAX: (To girl power) We need music.

CHRIS: I'm aussie. No really. Look at my hat.

KENT: Man I'm looking buff today. The cooking, the hat, the umbrella, I've got it goin' on today!

FRANK: Look at me gooooo! This is fun!

VONNIE: PHH. YOU ARE PITIFUL. A PITIFUL SIGHT. IF I WASN'T PLAYING AGAINST YOU I WOULD TELL YOU TO GET OUT OF MY SIGHT BUT SINCE I AM PLAYING AGAINST YOU, I WON'T TELL YOU TO GET OUT OF MY SIGHT BECAUSE OTHERWISE I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO BEAT YOU! BEAT YOU INTO A PULP! BEAT YOU LIKE MICHAEL JACKSON WOULD. LET'S SEE WHAT YOU'VE GOT SKINNY TWIG. BRING IT!

FRANK: It's just a game Vonnie.

VONNIE: A game? A GAME! I TELL YOU...

FRANK: You're out.

VONNIE: Oh man...I was so close, I...ooh lamb chop.

PETER: What's that for?

TIM: What's what for?

PETER: The long rod thing.

TIM: To contact the aliens. Duh.

EMS: Stop staring at the camera. We have a tent to set up people! Why can't there be more Emilys in the world?




Before the hand.

HEIDI: Let's build something!
MAX: Like what? A castle? A car? A fish?
NESS: A hand?
No objection.
NESS: A hand it is.


During the hand.

SOMEONE: What is it?
GIRL POWER: IT'S A HAND.
SOMEONE ELSE: What is it?
GIRL POWER: IT'S A HAND.
SOMEONE ELSE: Oh awesome! It's a starfish!
GIRL POWER: IT'S A HAND.
SOMEONE ELSE: That's interesting.
GIRL POWER: IT'S A...oh wait, thanks.

After the hand.

SVEN: The thumb and pinky finger look the same.
GIRL POWER: (Plots Sven's death.)


I'll put up more photos on Facebook!


And here's something I found hilarious in 'Rush Hour 3':

(Detective Carter arrests fat woman)
Fat woman: I want a lawyer.
Carter: You need a personal trainer. (looks at licence) Says here you weigh 180 pounds; that's more than the damn car, girl!
Fat woman: I have a thyroid condition.
Carter: Then stop eating thyroids!

Burleigh Heads - Easter Monday 24th March 2008